Dear children,

You are the joy of my life!  I want to know everything about you.  I will most likely be the mom that looks through your things when you are teenagers...and I if you complain about privacy I will be happy to remind you that I have not used the restroom alone yet since you were born.
All my love,
Mommy

sympathy pains

My husband and I share children, a house, a bank account, and apparently every illness or disorder that comes our way. It's true. We have identical digestive tracts and we take the same medications.  It was no surprise that last Saturday morning when I woke up with a pain that started in my shoulder blade, slightly to the right hand side and radiated up into the base of my skull-as did my husband.  Same pain, same side.  I went to the doctor and described to the nurse my symptoms and added that my husband was also experiencing these symptoms.  I waited my turn for the doctor and when he came in, he looked down at his chart and laughed.  I had to ask what was so funny and he says to me "Mrs. Peed, the note from my nurse reads:Patient and husband are pains in each others neck.."

Dear inventor of dolls that pee,

Dear inventor of dolls that pee,
Thank you so much for this invention. I was just thinking the other day that we simply don't have enough things in this house that require diapers and diaper accident clean up.
Love,
 Carol Peed

Dear God,

When your heart is so broken and your body is so tired from the twist and turns of the "no" it isn't always the wringing that makes you give. This was my excuse when hearing the whole glass half full half empty speech...and who hasn't heard these well intended words at some point in their life?  But you had already been working in my heart as I was previously praying for happiness. This prayer is very much unlike my usual more specific prayers.  I had decided to let you decide what will make me happy...after all who knows me more intimately than you do?  So having heard this "glass half full" bit many times....this time it actually stuck.  Things are looking different to me now...somehow I am able to put away my brokenness. Laughter is coming to me with a greater ease and tears....are quicker in joy.  I'm pretty sure-no...I'm positive that in no way will I be cured of or immune to negative thoughts but there is hope for me yet that I too can see my glass half full.  

Dear Operations Board Game,
I know that you came into this house with the best of intentions. You're cute with your little red nose that lights and clever names for internal organs. You promote turn taking and dexterity skills.  But I'm afraid with your many pieces and loud obnoxious buzzer that you will never make it here in the Peed home. Your destiny was unfortunately written before you even came through the door that cold Christmas day.  I tried to delay your demise as long as I possibly could...but it was inevitable as my children do not know the meaning of "This closet is not to be opened". So please accept my apologies...I know you must feel torn and incomplete at this time.   Sincerely,
                                                        Carol Peed
PS
The vacuum cleaner sends his regards.

Empty threats

The sentence that is coming out of my mouth is coming to an end and as I search my brain for a quick keyword to complete this ultimatum...."I'll take way your...what?"  Dolls?  Trucks? Money? The fact that you have spent your entire day stringing my dental floss in and out of all the master bathroom cabinet pulls doesn't make that much of a threat seeing as you would rather play with that instead....and 35cents at the bottom of a ceramic rabbit with a slit in the top and a piece of duct tape holding the bottom shut doesn't exactly move mountains either.